The Definitive White Elephant Gift Guide for 2018 | Meme Edition

White Elephant Gift Exchange

White Elephant parties are no joke. Since gifts are technically anonymous, it’s the only chance to buy the wackiest, wildest gag gifts that’ll keep everyone guessing who brought the best present. The holiday game, also known as Yankee Swap, is basically like Secret Santa but for people who love stealing and betraying their friends.

Game Rules

Each person brings a wrapped gift to the party and draws a number out of a hat. Whoever
chooses #1 randomly picks a gift from the present pile and opens it. Whoever chose #2 can
either open a brand new gift or “steal’ the gift from #1. If the latter, #1 will open another new
gift. The game continues until everyone receives their own hilarious gift.

 

What is a Good White Elephant Gift?

Since you don’t know who’ll be receiving your gift, it’s best to keep it as generic as possible.
Think about things that all your friends would love: memes, fidget spinners, the chance at
Obama’s third term. Try not to give a gift that you wouldn’t want to receive yourself; find the
balance between funny and practical. Also, make sure your gift is within the price range; don’t pull a Michael Scott and buy an iPod. Here at Dank Tank, we’ve rounded up the top four gifts to help you kill the White Elephant game and assert your dominance over your friends:

Best White Elephant Gifts Ideas

Holy Méme Candles


A nostalgic scent can take you back to a time, a place, a distant memory. The Holy Meme
Candles will transport you to specific smells you’ll never forget, like the smell of your bed sheets when you cry yourself to sleep at night, or the perfume from your high school crush that you never got the chance to ask out (although it’s probably just cheap Axe.) Maybe your Tinder profile was never lit, but these candles will be. The best White Elephant candle is definitely the wholesome smell of Belonging, Self-assurance, Doing your best, and Mindfulness, or BDSM. You can use the wax for actually BDSM if you want, we’re not judging. These fiery candles will warm your heart and shine brighter than your future.


Perfect for: the hoe who never gets cold


Holy Méme Bath Bombs

 

When your friend tags you in a billion memes in a row, it might feel like you’re drowning in memes. Now, you literally can bathe in a sea of memes (but we don’t recommend drowning.) These bath bombs are inspired by the dankest memes across the internet: fidget spinners, Evil Kermit, and Spongegar. There’s even a “Send Nudes” bath bomb, but purchase with caution: you’ll never know who’ll receive it for White Elephant. You don’t want any unsolicited photos. The colorful treats come in calming scents, like cherry blossom or summer berry, perfect for that relaxing bath when you pretend to have your life together after your fifth existential crisis of the day.


Perfect for: that boy who keeps texting you “Haha and then what? ;)”


Holy Méme Bible: New Testament



Even if you never did well at Sunday School, you can still give the Holy Méme Bible: New Testament as the perfect White Elephant gift. The second edition of this viral activity book is bursting with meme trivia, word searches, coloring pages, and more. Bust out your markers to color in Left Shark and his son, or take a quiz on JoeBama’s ultimate White House bromance. Anyone who’s a child at heart will love the resurrection of this 64-page Internet culture bible, from drawing in Mr. Krab’s thicc booty to creating your own memexecutive order. No need to make your memes in Microsoft Paint 1997 anymore, all you need is the Holy Méme Bible and your sharpened Crayola set to rack up the clout. Maybe you can’t fill the void in your heart, but you can fill out the meme crossword puzzle. Close enough.


Perfect for: Jared who never fucking learned how to read



The Lean Méme Cuisine


Make sure your meals include all the five food groups: fruit, vegetables, protein, grains, and memes. The Lean Méme Cuisine is the perfect White Elephant gift for anyone who commits culinary crimes, like putting pineapple on pizza (debatable.) All the recipes are meme-inspired and crafted by professional chefs Nguyen Tran, Joanne Chung, and Jay Chang as seen on the Food Network. Fry up delicious memes like Gordon Ramsay’s Idiot Sandwich or Childish Gambino’s Roast Red Bone BBQ Pork. Be weary about eating the Trump Orange Chicken; you might start tweeting covfefe or ranting about fake news. Sad! Whoever receives this cookbook finally won’t have to eat instant ramen for every meal anymore; now they can stress-eat a low calorie meme and think about how they completely fail as a real adult.


Perfect for: that millennial who buys too much avocado toast and can’t afford a house